Here is a really aggressive and obnoxious reminder that I will be selling some mind-blowingly awesome items at the first ever Renegade Holiday Market in Brooklyn this weekend!!
I AM SELLING SOME MIND-BLOWINGLY AWESOME ITEMS AT THE FIRST EVER RENEGADE HOLIDAY MARKET IN BROOKLYN THIS WEEKEND.
SPOILER ALERT: I HAVE iPhone 5 CASES.
Yeahsies.
You should only know about the intense spray-paint aroma in my apartment, or the general layer of glitter covering all the surfaces. I found some a lot of glitter on my cat, too. Thisshit is happening.
But seriously, if Williamsburg is accessible to you, you should come to this momentous occasion. You know it's going to be huge because I made a fucking facebook invite. We can schmooze and shit IRL. Hell, bring all ya friends. Let's make it a party.
In addition to meeting/shopping me, you will have the opportunity to buy amazing one-of-a-kind handmade gifts for everyone on your list from some crazy talented folks. Check out the list of artists for a quick taste of what to expect.
And the lovely flyer:
There aren't too many more ways to say it, so just go.
I should feel really bad right now. I don't, but I should.
Why? Well. You see, I was cooped up in my apartment ALL WEEK last week due to that bitch Sandy. I had more than enough time to make so, so many wonderful things. Instead I decided to sit on my couch and eat at least 3 lunches per day. And these were no lettuce lunches, these were chubby pizza and hamburger lunches. Pretty gross, right? Also, pretty amazing.
Like I said, I should feel bad. However, I take solace it the fact that every single person I spoke to at my office did the EXACT SAME THING. Ha! We all feel like total turds. Not being the only asshole who was a complete waste of space during our gift of a free week at home makes me feel so much better. Like SO much better. I think losing routine pust us in this really lame not productive state. I'm quite glad that's over and to be back at work, although a very wise co-person reminded me that I will regret that sentiment by tomorrow. I'm not sure if I agree - but I'll keep you posted on my general attitude in the upcoming days. Maybe.
If I decide to.
Who knows... I'm pretty unpredictable these days. And my followthrough is subpar. So, stay tuned either way because, ya know, you make my world go round.
Point of that whole story is, I've got nothing for you.
I have pinned and tumblr'd many a projects made by the very talented, LA based, Aimee. I highly recommend this beautifully designed blog to you, miss reader-pants. (Or mister. I don't know - I just assume I have no male readers. If you are a dude, and you are a reader, holler at a girl, and I'll keep this shit gender neutral.)
For your reading convenience, I have provided images and links to my favorite DIY projects on SWELLMAYDE below. Eat your heart out.
Hope you enjoy this FAAAAAAAABULOUS blog as much as I do. ^.^
Hey, have I told you lately that I LOVE YOU.
You can let me know how mutual that feeling is on ALL THE SOCIAL MEDIA!
ALSO, before I forget, I know I generally keep things lighthearted. However, Hurricane Sandy has been hugely devastating to my dear city, state, and neighboring states. The destruction and loss is tremendous. Everyone can help those who were affected by the storm.
Hurricane Sandy was a bitch of a storm but luckily Brooklyn killed it. My lights didn't even flicker for a hot second and I was able to watch the news for 24 hours straight. If I learned anything from the reports, it's that we were all supposed to die during the storm. There was a moment last night where I emailed a Chicago based friend asking what I should do if a "The Day After Tomorrow" scenario struck. (I'm a little very nervous about the world ending this December.) The asshole told me to run to battery park because no doubt Jake Gyllenhaal would be there to rescue me. That was a preposterous idea though, because Battery Park was already under water and everyone knows Jake lives in Brooklyn.
The biggest take away from the hurricane is the re-affirmation of my most favorite mantra: Brooklyn is better. At this point, the whole tri-state area understands this too. Seriously. All my friends in lower Manhattan are fucked. And here I am, freshly showered, sipping hot coffee and blogging. SUCK IT MANHATTAN.
In bad news - it looks like Halloween might be cancelled in NY. I'm not too upset because I have already explained to you how much I dislike the holiday, except for the drinking. And quite frankly - I think people are more into drinking during a freak storm than on a party night so it all worked out in my favori.
Regardless - I kept my promise to make a cheap, easy, and not-slutty costume because I know not all of you live in NY/NJ/CT and some of you are actually going to celebrate the day of the dead.
So here it is. Ladies and lady-like gentlemen: The HIGHLIGHTER COSTUME!
I really was hoping to get someone to photograph me in the outfit so you could see the full effect but, ya know, there was a hurricane. It kind of messed shit up.
I have said it once, I have said it twice, I have said it, like, a lot.
I am not FUCKING festive.
...Not even sorry.
(I'm a little sorry, because I know some of you are festive and look to the internet for festive inspiration. I wish I could be better and give it to you, but not enough to actually try."
Despite my lack of festivity, the one thing I do like about Halloween is getting drunk. (Not in the OMG-let's-pay-100-bucks-to-go-to-a-shitty-party-at-a-shitty-bar-and-get-wasted way. Those parties are the worst and New Years is the same. Rookie night, is what my high school economics teacher so aptly named these holidays. Maybe not the best topic for high school economics class but, hey, now you know why I don't understand economics.) Unfortunately, people get mad if I show up to the party in regular clothes, so I decided to make an easy and cheap costume.
Ingredients for the perfect costume:
1. Coverage. It's fucking October 31st. I'm cold.
2. Cheap. I'm talking zero dollars. Not 20, not 5, not even 2. Why would I buy shit that I never plan to use again.
3. Comfortable. No matter how great you are at drinking, you're gonna get sloppy. Eventually. Sloppy is so much worse when you are wearing a difficult outfit. You know what I'm talking about. We have all been that asshat who wore that complicated leotard under a romper with tights on a heavy night of drinking. Not your best look, was it? You did not get any ass that night, did you? Mostly because the boys were like, "How the HELL am I going to get that shit off!? NEXT."
4. No special makeup. Similar to my rant in item number 3, heavy makeup and heavy drinking are not a good combination. What happens when you start crying because you realize you have the most amazing friends in the world and you love them so much and OMG you are the luckiest bitch alive? Your going to look like SHIT, that's what. [Sidenote: For the record, I am not a drunk crier. Just need to get that out there.]
5. Look bangin'. I know this is pretty contrary to the comfortable coverage situation, but the truth is one can look tastefully hot.
All these requirements remind me of picking out an outfit for my first day of high school: take monumental time and effort to ultimately look effortlessly cool. The good news is I think I figured it out for my pending costume. And I am planning to show you how you can too. Next week. After I make it. This weekend.
In the meantime, since you probably want to get started on your costume this weekend as well (you festive asshole) I have scoured the internet to find this AM-AH-ZING youtube video that pretty accurately expresses any costume advice I would offer to you, my dear reader:
PREACH.
I am going to start slinking around the East Village to find these chicks and make them my friends. (In the least creepy way possible.)
Favorite video quotes:
"[In reference to sexy cat costumes] If you are attracted to cats in a sexual way that's gross. They're pets. Do you have sex with your pet!? NO!"
"It's called Halloween not 'Hello, hard weenie.'"
"KEEP YOUR TITS IN."
"Cop themes are always a hit. And you don't have to show any tits. They don't do that. Cops keep their tits in. Never seen a cop with tits out."
"Use your head not your tits."
I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.
Also, because I'm in the video sharing kind of mood, please enjoy my favorite 80's jam, as I did this morning on the subway. ON REPEAT.
(Fun fact: my 11th grade physics teacher introduced me to this song.)
Have an excellent weekend and don't forget to dance.
